My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
