I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
