i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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