I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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