smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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