yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
3 2 1 whiskey
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
