i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
is it fun? or sober?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
