I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
