The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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