now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
