Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
they're like a gay fantastic four
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
