all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
