goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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