Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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