What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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