she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
