a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
True strength comes from lack of pants
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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