You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
