Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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