apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
