Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
