He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
When are your genitals available?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
