Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I have aggressive nipples.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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