she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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