God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
