This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
