if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
