Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
