I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
