Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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