That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
