He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
