You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
