u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
