i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
