Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
