Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
