Me too!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
