found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Gay?
German.
Pity.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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