He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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