Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
