I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
