there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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