you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
