he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
