I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
