the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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