I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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