Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Randomize
