Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
