you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
