i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
