I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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